Distraction.

There has been one common theme throughout my week.
Distraction.

On Monday we did a soaking session for Lynne's class, which was good. At first I saw myself dancing, then I fell asleep, then I woke up and got so distracted. I couldn't focus on any thought at all for more than about 10 seconds. So I just said "Okay God, I need to focus on you. How can I get closer to you, and glorify you?"
You want to know what his answer was?
"Just worship me."

I had a lot of trouble focusing in classes or in my war room shifts this week. Normally I'm not that all over the place in my head.
During knee dirll this week I just could not focus on Aaron's message. It was one I was really interested in too.
I just kept looking around and seeing things to focus on for a minute, then move on, instead of paying attention to Aaron and what he was saying.
I decided I needed to do something, so I lay down on my stomach, put my face in my arms, closed my eyes and listened.
I don't think I've ever paid that much attention to anything in my life. I've decided I'm going to start just closing my eyes and listening more often during preaches, or teachings. Maybe my teachers will think I'm falling asleep, but that is a price I'm willing to pay to get the most I can out of every lesson.
I hope my teachers read this blog so they know in advance...

I tend to give people lots of compliments and encouragements.. You know the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything?" I think of it more as "If you don't have anything nice to say, think of something nice and say it anyways".
That makes it really hard for me to accept compliments, because I generally only get them after I give them, which makes it seem like the other person only gave one because I gave them one.
If I compliment you, I don't want one back. I want to know that you accept my words.
I think it was on Thursday.. But one day this week I got a lot of encouragements from people, completely out of the blue, so I had no problem recieving thier words, and I didn't realize it, but I really needed that.

Also, everything around me is changing.
The people I'm around, the place I am, the way I see the world, and my relationship with God...
It's been changing for a while...
Theres a part of me that wants to change a lot of my external things, to match up.
Such as taking out my piercings, not dyeing my hair, and eating meat.
Which is silly. I like my piercings (in fact, I got a new one just a few hours ago.. In my nose.), I like changing my hair all the time and I know what I want to do to it next, and I have no real desire to eat meat, other than the fact that it would be a change.
I like me how I am, and the changes that are allready happening, so why would I need to change the external?
My hair, and my piercings, and the fact that I dont eat meat don't define who I am.
That is something I struggled with for a long time.
In grade 8 and 9 I applied my identity in a paste.
A paste that changed the colour of my hair, from plain, to exciting. From the boring person I was, to the exciting hip cool person I wanted to be. From natural, to platinum blonde, orange and purple, at the same time.
I don't want to still be that person. I like my hair when it has colours, it doesn't make me who I am, it doesn't change a thing about me. I dye my hair because I want to, and I like it, not because it makes me who I am.

I have a friend coming to visit me here next week. I'm very excited. Please pray that it goes well, and leaves a positive impact on her.
Shes not christian, but is trying to find God.

My blog entries always end up so much longer than I mean them to be.

Jessica.